she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
