Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
