I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
