Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
