His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
high people should be assigned attendants
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
