We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
