I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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