Whatcha textin bout Willis?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
