i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
