I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She announced her abortion via fbk
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
