Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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