please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
