if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
