Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
