they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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