My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Randomize
