CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
