Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
