But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Randomize
