im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
