You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
