speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
