i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
