my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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