I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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