Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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