We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
