I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
