she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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