You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
