don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
