anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
