Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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