In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
