remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
