atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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