The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
