Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
