I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Life is so much better after having sex.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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