Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
