also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
