shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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