He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
