dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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