you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
