You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
