guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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