so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
