Don't make out with my wife yet
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
