when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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