ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
