new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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